Apparently not everyone reads my blog...

I thought I explained that boys and girls are different. What up, Maryland?

Three months ago, a new law in Montgomery County, Maryland, was passed that demands co-ed locker rooms and restrooms in all public accommodations. The law was intended to accommodate “transgendered people”—that is, men who say they perceive themselves to be women (i.e. Michael Jackson), and women who claim they consider themselves men (i.e. Michael Jackson). This is one of those slippery slope laws. Well...read on...

Last week, Colorado’s legislature passed—and Gov. Bill Ritter signed—a law that will open all public accommodations, including public restrooms, to anyone who wants to use them. That means men may use a women’s restroom, and women may enter men’s rooms. The rationale for Senate Bill 200 is that transgenders should be able to use the restroom they feel most comfortable using.

What about me? Shouldn't I feel comfortable in the bathroom too? Comfortable being a relative term of course. Having the family bowel's, is potty time ever really comfortable?

Here's where it starts to get serious...

The lack of privacy is not the only problem. Nobody is going to ask a man if he is trangendered before allowing him into the ladies’ room. This means any man—including a child molester—could simply follow a little girl into the privacy of a public restroom. And, if a man decided to expose himself to a young girl there, who is she going to complain to? After all, restrooms, by definition, are places where one exposes the private parts of one’s body.

Men will have even less privacy, because they often do not use stalls.

Appalling as this law is, it gets worse. Tom Minnery of Focus on the Family points out, in the Denver Post, that the law also threatens religious liberty: Colorado’s “public accommodations” law includes not only hotels and restaurants, but also any small or home-based business that offers “goods or services” to the public.

And, as we have seen before, radicals go out of their way to target Christian businesses. As Minnery notes, in Albuquerque, a Christian couple who operate a photography studio politely declined, on religious grounds, to photograph a lesbian “commitment ceremony.” For this exercise of their First Amendment rights, the couple were forced to appear before New Mexico’s human rights commission and fined more than $6,600. Now, if you dare to deny a transgendered “man” access to the women’s room, you can be prosecuted under criminal laws and spend up to a year in jail.

I always use the stalls in public restrooms. Always. I never use the urinals. I hate those things. Dreaded fear that. Let's just say I took too many microbiology classes in college. The stalls are not much cleaner you say. True...true. But at least in the stalls I can cover the toilet seat with so much John Wayne toilet paper that my feet don't even touch the ground. That's sanitary.

John Wayne toilet paper? That's toilet paper that is rough and tough and don't take crap off of no one. (Rim shot.)

What was my point...oh yea...if the transgender people followed my lead and always used the stalls, we'd have no issue. If a man dresses like a woman and uses the womens bathroom, they only have stalls, or so I'm told. No issue. If a woman dresses like a man, use the stalls because frankly the urinals aren't going to be much use to you anyway.

Why do people make things so complicated?

The times they are-a-changin'...

Three graduations this year. One niece, one nephew and one daughter of a cousin. I'm not sure what that makes her. A second cousin I think.

Strange how a milestone in one person's life can mean so much to someone else but for very different reasons. I am very proud of my niece and nephew and second cousin(?). Graduating from high school is a big step. You are well on your way to becoming an adult. As long as you don't do what I did. You're looking at about a 10 year detour if so.

I think back to that time in my life and the issues of the day. Would the girl I was dating at the time and I survive a year of long distance? Irving to Denton was Irving to Hong Kong as far as I was concerned. Would I meet any friends at North Texas State? That is what it was called before they changed their name to UNT. I am glad they didn't rename the radio station too. Turns out there wasn't really anytime to meet anyone. I transferred to UT Arlington after my first semester. Besides now, those were the best 7 years of my life. From what I can remember. Just kidding. It took me the requisite 4 years. I do know I had a blast and formed friendships that I still have today, 20 years later.

The one thing that stands out in my mind was the day I moved out of the house. I pulled away in my white Toyota truck and dad was standing on the sidewalk waving goodbye to me. I can see it like it was yesterday. I pulled around the corner and cried like a baby until about Lake Lewisville. I was scared. I was alone. I was starting a new life. But the image of my dad, standing there waving goodbye with a look of sadness knowing another one of his sons was leaving home but also with tremendous pride knowing another one of his sons was leaving home, got me through that drive and that semester and those college years.

Luckily, there is no reason to ask him if I have made him proud. He tells me all the time.

Blob update...

I woke up this morning and with a little concern turned my focus towards the blob in the pool.

Blob? What blob?

It was virtually gone. I guess it couldn't hold its breath long enough. Nothing but a few white patches that I'm sure will be gone by the time I get home from work. The infamous sheet said there may be some of the product leftover but it would dissolve in 24-48 hours. If I wouldn't have jumped to conclusions...I wouldn't have had a blog to write, so there. Nyah Nyah.

If there were any doubters, (read my sister Katy) there should be no more. This stuff is amazing. The pool is crystal clear and I promise you it feels like you've put on lotion when you get out of the water. Madison even commented on how the water felt different. "Kind of softer" she so smartly said. I highly recommend this stuff. It's called Algae-B-Gone. Just kidding. It's called Endure. Seeming to imply that the happiness and joy you get from swimming in your beautiful crystal clear soft pool will "endure" the whole summer...I would have called it Algae-B-Gone.

Yes, the kids and I went swimming last night. Blob be damned. Actually I went in the pool earlier and tried to chisel the blob away to no avail. I rubbed and scrubbed and rub-a-dub-dubbed that darn thing pretty forcefully. I had as much effect on it as I do on Kelly when I tell her I am putting my foot down on this issue. None. Since I didn't go blind or break out in hives, I figured it was safe for the kiddos. Besides they wanted to go swimming and what's a little blindness when you can stop the whining. Pick your battles.

Good Saturday...

Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged the comb across my head. (piano solo) Sorry a little Beatles there. Sometimes I can't help myself.

I did wake up though. Got a sample of pool water and was off to the pool store with Madison and Ian in tow. I had seen an advertisement for a water treatment that sold me on one picture alone. It was of 6 pools. 5 of which looked absolutely disgusting, green and slimy not unlike my bathtub in college...

relax, I roomed with an army guy and an ex football player. I don't think you could have found more testosterone in one area anywhere in the country. It was all bills paid. The AC was so low you could hang meat. Thanks to the army guy, my bathroom was so clean you could eat off of it. The two nuggets of wisdom I took from him were 1. use Mennens Skin Bracer to clean the grout in the bathroom. That stuff was lethal. And 2. Always iron your shoulders. You can tell a guy who knows how to iron by how his shirt shoulders look...back to the ad...

while one pool looked prisitne. The 6 pools had their pumps turned off for 3 months and no chemicals were added. I spoke with the rep of the company because I happen to work for a pool company so I had access and he said the pic was legit. Well, I was sold. So I picked some up. Reasonable price and relatively easy application. One problem. The stuff congealed in one corner of the pool and I for the life of me can't get it out of there. The sheet they gave me, this is the pool store my company owns mind you, said to add a gallon of acid and then 10-13 lbs of Endure, that's the name of the treatment, until the treatment was all gone. This was a total of 3 1/2 gallons of acid and 45 lbs of Endure. Just what they wrote on the sheet. I did just as the sheet said. I got the blob.

I'm sure I'm not the first one to get a blob. But this is my first blob so, I am none too happy. It could be eating away my plaster. It could be damaging my equipment. It could be plotting to steal my car. I don't know! It is just a little unsettling knowing there could be the makings of a bad '50's horror movie taking over the backyard. I am debating to call the store managers phone to ask if this is normal. Heck it would be nice to actually disturb someone at home on a Sunday without it being me. Being in IT, home calls at all hours are a bad side effect. I'll keep you posted.

Visited my parents last night. It was great. Madison and Ian blew bubbles. Grandma always has bubbles. Reagan was very good. Hung out until she got tired and went to sleep. Mom made a great meal of chicken and asparagus and potaotoes and her chocolate pie for dessert. That pie is awesome. The conversation is always lively especially when it turns to politics. I shudder to think what it would be like if Dad and I weren't both conservatives.

We talked of life and love and religion. Raising kids. Retirement. My weight. Their weight. Fun stuff. Thanks Mom and Dad for a wonderful night. And a wonderful life.

What the...

There’s a wind advisory today, which explains the italics. It’s difficult for letters to stand upright in the face of this sort of gale. The gusts will continue through the evening, eventually pushing the entire Metro area .000025 inches to the northeast. Adjust your

Ah. Temporary respite. Adjust your GPS locators accordingly.

Keeping a pool clean or an umbrella table upright in this wind is virtually impossible. So I've resigned myself to constantly sweeping out the pool while in it and watching the table so it doesn't fly over the fence and damage the cars.

I'm flicking through the channels last night, as men tend to do, and I come across a new show on CBS called "Swingtown". I pushed the info button and found out this was a show set in 1976...

Aside: Why is it all the shows not set in present day are set in the 60's or 70's? I mean come on. There were other eras that could be used for TV don't you think? The baby boomers need to retire and get out of the way. They look at the 60's and 70's as a time of nirvana where everyone lived free and did what was good for them. If it feels good do it, that's their mantra. Actually, I guess it was Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll which is pretty much the same thing as if it feels good do it. When are they going to realize they, the baby boomers and their ilk, were the worst thing to ever happen to this country. It is no coincidence when they started to marginalize the traditional family and its values the abortion, divorce and crime rate all started to increase. I digress. End of aside.

in an upscale Chicago suburb. A family moves in from somewhere, I don't remember, and they are pursued by another couple to become swingers. Swingers!?! I turned to Kelly and said "What the?" Shouldn't that be something that should be on cable not network television?

It is becoming much more evident that it's time to unplug the boob tube, except during UCLA football games, and start attending more dance performances. I hear there is an up and comer named Reagan who must be seen to be believed.

New pictures. Just days old...

Night night...

Going to bed around our house is getting to be a chore. Reagan is fine and Madison is OK but Ian, oy vey! The other night I put him down at 9:00 and he finally fell asleep at 10:45. He just keeps getting up form his bed. I will tuck him in and sit outside his door. He usually comes out 3 to 4 times and I keep putting him back in his bed. A side note: What he does when he sees me is very cute. Picture a movie where a guy needs to look around a corner at someone. He will peer out from behind the corner in a very slow constant motion. When that someone turns in the guys direction, he very suddenly pulls himself back behind the corner. A very quick jerky motion. When Ian peers out from behind the corner he is moving...very...slowly...our eyes meet...he retreats behind the wall...in the same...slow...movement. Funny stuff.

Where was I. Oh yes, after a few minutes he doesn't come out so I go downstairs. A few minutes later here he comes around the corner all smiles.

"Ian, back to bed please."

"Mi-mohw"

"No Mickey Mouse it's bed time"

"Na"

"No snack it's bed time. Come on."

"OK. Nigh Nigh Mommy"

Then it's off to bed again. At least though we don't have to go through his ritual again. It consists of holding his hand as we walk up the stairs so he can take the steps one at a time with only one foot like I do. Turning on his light. Putting in his music which consists of "The Wheels on the Bus", complete with hand gestures and "La Bamba" complete with dance steps. During the songs he will take his cars and run them along the top of the dresser. He will play the xylophone and yell out the colors and he will look at a Wiggles book. Now, we tried to nip this in the bud but tantrums commenced and picking your battles was our motto.

I'm sure the novelty of getting out of bed will eventually wear off and he'll just go to sleep. In the mean time, we are so freaking tired and it is so late we have no choice but to go to bed.

It would be nice to talk with my wife again. Anybody talked to her lately? How's she doing? She's a great gal. I hope she's OK.

And so it begins...

I took Madison to her first "practice" last night. I have it in parentheses because it wasn't really a practice but an introduction to soccer class. She had a blast. There were only 4 students in the class, 2 girls and 2 boys. They learned how to dribble the ball and play a little defense. They even played a little scrimmage with everyone scoring a goal. And not because they let everyone score, it just happened that way. Naturally. Imagine that.

This was a fine place to do some observing. I don't care what anyone says boys and girls are different. Sure you may get a few exceptions but as the old saying goes they just prove the rule. The observation behind this keen psychological perception happened when the ball dropped for the scrimmage. The boys took off running, kicking, grabbing; doing what boys do. The girls stood statue still and watched the boys run like wild men. With a little encouragement from the coach, they decided to participate. They eventually got into it and had fun. It's the initial response that tickled me. Boys jump right in with both feet. Girls wait to see if the boys get hurt then make up their minds. I have always said, and Kelly will attest to this, I think girls on average are smarter than boys. I don't think that changes much when they become ladies and gentlemen either.

I see the difference everyday in Madison and Ian. At least once a day, Madison will come to us and tell us Ian is hitting her. We will tell Ian to stop hitting her and they will continue to play. Of course, he doesn't and we eventually begin to take away privileges or separate them. I always think to myself, if Madison, who is twice as big as Ian, just hauled off and belted him one I'll bet it would discourage him from hitting her in the future. She doesn't do it. The demure takes back seat to the delinquent.

See she's smarter than I already.

Reagan continues to be the perfect baby. Honestly. She rarely gets sick. (Knocking on wood) She eats very well. She is happy most of the time. She sleeps through the night. Her one flaw is that she wants to be held all of the time, if you can call that a flaw. I'm guessing in about 13 years I will be looking back on this time and the flaw I so nonchalantly call it will become my most endearing memory of my little missy.

That and her smile. And her eyes. And her laugh. And the way she rolls on the floor. And the way she smells after a bath. And the way she grabs my beard when I feed her. And the way she smiles at me when I get home from work. And her babbling. And her drooling. And her hand when it squeezes my finger. And her little feet. And her crazy hair. There's more but you get the idea.

A night out...

Kelly and I went to a wonderful dance performance last night. It was quite eclectic in its interpretation. While mostly classical ballet, it had brilliant moments of modern dance, tap, some jazz-ish infusion and there was definitely a latin overtone that could be seen in the flashes of the Rumba, Mambo, Salsa and Cha-Cha.

I think the most striking aspect of the performance was the stark contrast of the two performers. One had grace and elegance, performing arabesques', jete's, plie's and soubresauts to rival the masters. She clearly had studied at the finest schools and it showed. She was refinement personified. At the end of the performance she asked the audience to name a ballet move and she would then perform it for us. It was quite helpful to us novices who did not know the vernacular.

The other performer had what can only be described as a raw energy. His moves were sudden and purposeful. Forceful. He commanded the stage when he danced. One particular move was quite unique; he would, during the course of his performance, fall to the ground at no pre-determined point and get right back up and continue his dance. It was very exciting to watch his interpretation of the music and watch how it took him places I wish I could go.

The music was mostly Vivaldi, Bach and Beethoven. The biggies. Yes. All in all it was one of the most enjoyable evenings I have ever spent. Spending time with my beautiful bride while watching two of the greatest dancers I have ever seen display their talents. If they ever come to your town be sure to make a date to see them.

Their names?

Madison and Ian Pfaffenberger.

Small ode to 2 legends...

The greatest thing about "The Carol Burnett Show" was Harvey never keeping a straight face around Tim Conway.

I saw Bo Diddley in Ft Worth on the U2 Joshua Tree tour. He was 60 and he was awesome.

RIP, gentlemen.

Same old same old...

We had a good weekend. Pretty uneventful. Kelly, Madison and Reagan went to Kelly's cousin's daughter's graduation from high school on Friday night. Fun was had by all. They didn't get home until about 12:45. It's all par for the course for her side of the family. If there are at least 2 of them in a room at one time, it is a rule they must go out to eat. Well, there were over 20 of them on Friday so you do the math.

Ian and I stayed home. Boys night in watching Cars and Monsters or as Ian calls them, "A Queen" and "Sully and My". We had a good time too.

I really want to get to know my son. He seems like a cool kid. Not unlike his old man. He will have none of it however. He likes to do his own thing. He'll give a hug and kiss when asked but as for sitting down and discussing the events of the day, not so much.

Saturday was spent in the pool. 3 times for Ian and Madison. Twice for me and once for Kelly. In the winter, sometimes I question why I had the pool put in. In the summer, I never do. It was a great investment. If you don't have one, get one. (Hint. Hint.)

Sunday I went to a movie with my Godson Craig, my brother Mike's boy. We saw Iron Man. It was good. You have to get by all of the liberal preaching but you have to do that in every movie nowadays. Robert Downey Jr is a good actor. Too bad his life was such a mess. He is making something of a comeback and good for him. I hope he put his troubles behind him. We could use another good actor.

All in all another fun, relaxing, enjoyable weekend in this greatest nation on God's green earth.

"Mm. Interesting."...

I don't know whether I am fascinated or disgusted. Maybe it would help if I explained. I saw those pictures of that tribe in South America that apparently had never had any contact with the outside world. I only saw the pictures of the tribesmen painted red and pointing bows and arrows at the intruding plane. Apparently hours before when the plane had no cameras on board, the plane came across this tribe and the women and children were outside playing and doing chores. The men were not painted red. They were just hanging out. Only after the plane came back were the women and children not seen and the men painted red.

On a Saturday morning show, CBS I think it was, they showed the pictures and this arrogant windbag behind the desk said "Mm. Interesting."

It's hard to imagine but what would your reaction be to something as disruptive as this in your life? These people don't know what a light bulb is. Phone, toilet, car, refrigerator, computer. Nada. Zip. Zilch. And apparently they are doing OK with it.

Stumbling across them I understand. Flying back to take pictures, I don't know. I understand the scientific part of it of course. It is fascinating to find a species to which I belong totally isolated from the world. I would love to see how they live, what they eat and all of that. But something just gnaws at me that this isn't right.

Remember a few years ago when that washed up actor who went to live with the grizzlies was found eaten by said grizzlies? Well, they went in and put down the offending grizzly. So, man intrudes on animals habitat gets eaten by said animal and the animal is at fault? For what, being an animal? Those kind of things bother me to no end. I guess it's our arrogance. I am in no way an environmentalist but I am a conservationist. I think part of that is knowing when to leave well enough alone. If a guy thinks he can co-habitate with bears, so be it. If he ends up being Sunday breakfast, so be it.

Getting back to the arrogant windbag, taking into account these people have never had any contact with the outside world, sure maybe another tribe like themselves but not any civilized world, what do you think their reaction was to a huge non-wooden object actually flying in the sky? Well, they hid their women and children and painted themselves red and grabbed bows and arrows. Sounds like we scared the bejeezus out of them.

It looks like war.

We totally turned this societies world upside down. Everything they thought they knew has now been turned on its head. They fear for their lives and are willing to fight to the death to defend themselves. And all the desk-jockey can think of to say is "Mm. Interesting."

This reminds me of a Simpson's episode. Doesn't everything. Homer gets in a plane to escape a gambling debt and the plane takes him to South America where some missionaries are working with a local tribe. In the course of the show the volcano begins to erupt so Homer tries to finish the church they are building to appease the gods. He tells the tribesmen:

"You sinners must help me finish this church."

"Sinners? Since when?"

"Since I got here." says Homer.

I'm not equating missionaries with what's going on here but I hope you get the point.

I think I made up my mind. I'm disgusted.

Working for "the man"...

I just went for my daily venti mocha frapuccino. The lady at the register was quite chatty today. Why do they do that? Sometimes I just want to get my drink and go without having to divulge my life story. Anywho, she told me her mother was laid off 4 years ago by EDS and it was the best thing that ever happened to her. I, getting caught up in the moment, told her of my similar situation a few years ago and how well it worked out for me. The whole conversation started by her asking me what I was going to do today and I told her go swimming with my kids. How we got to being laid off I'll never know.

She then said:

"I hate corporate America."

I said:

"Said the lady working at Starbucks." Hoping of course she would catch the irony.

She didn't.

I don't know about you but I consider Starbuck's to be pretty much the epitome of the corporate world.

Gotta go be back in a minute.

I'm sure at one time when it was a one store liberal coffee house full of turtleneck-wearing, horned-rim-glass-sporting, finger-snapping-approval beatnik wannabees it was the antithesis of corporate America.

But now...not so much.

Tin foil hat alert...

For those of you not familiar with the tin foil hat reference, it is used as a derogatory term for those of us who are conspiracy theorists. It comes from the guys who would wear tin foil on their heads so the aliens couldn't read their minds. That is absolutely true.

I just don't like giving out my phone number to the clerks at the register in Babies 'R' Us or Bed Bath and Beyond. I don't know why. It makes me feel...violated. I know they don't have some big database of phone numbers that they use to call people and if someone answers they hang up and mark that they were home at that certain time of the day and call back many times to record their comings and goings.

But they do.

Why else would the Babies/Bath clerk look at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears when I politely respond no thanks to their request for my phone number?

They get paid by the phone number you know. The more numbers the more money and points can be accumulated so as to receive recommendation and citation from said multi-national conglomerate which in turn uses the phone numbers to attain massive amounts of consumer data on the unknowing public which they will one day use to manipulate worldwide financial data and ultimately take over the world. Either that or they want me to know when the Huggies go on sale.

I will buy my next car at a place where the salesman doesn't tell me his job depends on the survey they will be sending me.

"Make sure you mark everything exceptional."

"Even if it wasn't?" (said chucklng nervously)

...

...

"I'll do as you say."

Too much pressure for me. I don't want to be responsible for a guys job who I just bought a car from. I only want to be responsible for a guys job who I didn't just buy a car from.

(If there are children reading this please understand that I in no way condone the ending of sentences in prepositions. It's just in this case, for the comedy, I thought it was warranted.)